I guess this is the obligatory first "official" post. Bare with me as i am not a blogger. I dont write and im pretty awful at spelling and grammar but i wanted to start this blog for myself. I wanted a place i can write my thoughts out and document memories. My name is Jenna and i am a 20 something year woman. I am wife to Carlton, who is completely amazing. I am mommy to 1 year old Ethan, who is also completely amazing. I am first and foremost a believer of Christ. The name of my blog is Anchored and i want to explain why. When i was 10 years old i was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. It plagued my every day for years. I was terrified to be away from my parents. I didnt go to sleep overs or field trips. I couldnt step foot in an amusement park, travel for extended periods in a car, or veer away from my normal schedule without triggering a panic attack. I was tried on multiple different medications. Some made no difference, some made things worse with bad side effects, one put me in the hospital, and some would work for a bit only to "Poop out" (yes that is actually the medical term for SSRI's that stop working) later on. It wasnt until i was 14 that we finally found a medication combination that worked well for me. Lexapro augmented with welbutrin (combined with therapy) is what i have been on for the past 13 years. It worked wonderfully for me right up until i got pregnant.
Something about pregnancy completely turns your hormones upside down. As far as pregnancy goes i had a relatively easy pregnancy with the exception of gestational diabetes towards the end. I never even had morning sickness. For me, it was the hardest thing iv ever done. Day in and day out i was tormented by anxiety. I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I spent all day everyday researching online all about preterm labor, incompetent cervix, umbilical cord accidents, stillbirths. I was completely and utterly terrified that we would lose our baby. In part i believe the fears were triggered by the miscarriage we had a month before we conceived our son. I was on my medications for my entire pregnancy and my doctor even increased them after Ethan was born. If i thought my anxiety was bad during my pregnancy, somehow it got even worse afterwards. The post-partum anxiety was really really awful. For those who dont know, Anxiety is exacerbated by lack of sleep and changing hormones and breastfeeding can dramatically affect your hormones. I had a difficult time bonding with my son right away even though i had spent his whole pregnancy praying for this little life (he is unashamedly one of my best friends now). I got so lost in the anxiety that it just made it hard. We are blessed to have an incredible support system with grandparents who are local and willing to help.
I weaned Ethan at 4 months to help with the hormonal aspects of anxiety. It did help for awhile. Around his first birthday this past september i was hit with another bad bought of anxiety. At this point we are switching my medications from Lexapro to prozac to see if it will offer any relief. Through all of this, my one constant and my stronghold has been the Lord. He offers peace and hope on even the darkest days. He is an anchor in an ever changing storm. One of my favorite verses to lean on is Philipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.". I cling to this verse on hard days. It is relieving to know that i can lay my troubles at His feet and trust him to bare the weight of my struggles. My hope, it's not easily swayed because I have anchored myself in Christ, the very Hope of the world. That is why iv called this blog Anchored.
